The silent tantrums we all have
I'm upset! *runs away
As children, we were taught that honesty is the best policy. That there is no greater virtue than being honest.
Yet it seems like what it means to become an adult is to become capable of deciphering when dishonesty, or more so the lack of honesty, serves yourself and others better.
But sometimes, I feel like the world would be a much simpler place if we were all still the same brutally authentic toddlers we once were.
The rude, tantrum-throwing, emotionally unhinged children we once were.
Like the 4-year-old who I babysat as a 16-year-old who inquisitively stabbed his tiny harmless finger onto the raging pimple on my nose and asked curiously, “What’s that?”
Or like the time my baby sister cried for 30 minutes because she wanted the small slice of cake we gave to our friend, and not the big slice of cake left over (In her defense, it was way past her bedtime, so sleepy-grumpiness must be taken into account).
I’d like to believe that all the conflict and misunderstanding in this world could be unpacked and unraveled by true honesty. And the honesty I’m referring to is not simply about how you perceive what you feel but what you actually feel.
That the discomfort you feel is not (your perspective) BECAUSE of what someone did to you, but because (true perspective) it’s an external action that TRIGGERED an insecurity or past trauma within you that caused the discomfort. Being honest with yourself on the latter perspective has proven to me to be a simpler way of life, preventing a lot of harbored resentment for others and complicated feelings about myself.
Yet the truth is that I often forget, and become too comfortable with the complex layered feelings that come with being a human in a society. It’s so easy to feel discomfort, ignore it, and let it slowly fade away like sand on a windy day. It’s much harder to do something about it, let alone face it with the right mindset.
Being intentional about honesty, especially the discrepancy between perceived and true honesty, can offer clarity into the chaos of our daily lives. The times that I’ve felt brave and dove deep into my greatest insecurities and knots tucked comfortably away deep within me have been the most self-empowering moments of growth. Also, it seems dumb to me that when I’m 60, I’m still getting triggered and irked by the same things I get irritated by today at 23 years old.
I guess it’s up to us, whether we’d let that discomfort take over us, and simmer in resentment and disbelief. Or do we wish to be honest with ourselves and take it as an opportunity to look deeper inward?
Recognize the silent tantrum you’re throwing in your head. Feel the anger build when someone’s wronged you. Hear to the honest child within you.
Hi all, and a big welcome to the new subscribers!
I took a break last week as I was on vacation in Hiroshima, but I’m back.
I’m back with the cold DM series, now in Tokyo! Excited to meet more startup folks here in Tokyo, as I hear it’s been buzzin’ and growin’! Follow my LinkedIn as I feature a bunch of cool individuals with inspiring stories. (Will write about my observations soon…)
Tokyo has been cheekily dancing between spring and summer weather for the past month or so, and this week was COLD! But the sun has been quite kind, so I’ve been in good spirits.
Anyway, happy weekend! And happy May!!